Colorful Dreams.

     I wake up in the middle of the night with same dream again. I saw the amoeba like but big in shape creature having mouth like opening, position of that opening kept changing as shape of that creature changed. Mouth like opening was always trying to say something to me, but I couldn't hear a sound in my dream. Only sound in my dream was sound that I made while shouting at that creature. One thing that distracts me about this dream is that I am seeing the same dream every day since I came here in port town. Today is the 6th day of my stay here. Most strange think about dream is I am seeing it with different color every day. Today's color was white. I keep thinking about my dream why I am seeing such an absurd dream every day. Though dream was not frightening but I couldn't sleep today. I need something to drink, something cool to soothe my dry mouth. I go to wine cellar and take one wine bottle, pour the wine in stemmed glass and come to veranda. I just drink it, without admiring taste, aroma and what not. Not a big fan of wine though. It is not refreshing as I have expected. I sit in one of the chair hearing the swishing sound of the sea. I couldn't take my mind away from my dream. I see the twinkling light of light house. And I remembered the first day when I came here in port town.

       Light house!.... Light house is like my Di, my twin sister. We are fraternal twins. As she is 25 minutes older to me so I call her Di. Though we both are of same age for her I will always be her sweet little brother. Both of my Parents are scientist and my Di also. I kinda had strained relationship with both of my Parents. For them Di's behavior or achievements were always superlatives and mine were always comparative. Though I'm not as intelligent as Di is, but still I am successful in what I want to do.

        When I was 13, in mid of semester my family shifted to US as both of my parents got a nice job offer there. I stayed in US till age of 16, but as I want to continue my Santoor learning so I returned to India and stayed with my Granny. 'Santoor' had played an instrumental role in deteriorating the relationship with my parents. It is very ironic considering that Santoor had played and is still playing very major role in my life. They never understood why I want to learn Santoor. They were never against of my learning the Santoor but they always wanted me to be a professional Santoor player. I wanted to learn it only as hobby and for my happiness, nothing more beyond that. They only came once in India when my Granny expired 3 years ago. Just 3 days before I had celebrated her Death anniversary here. Every weekend Di used to call me, she always tried to explain me why our Parents had behaved that way and blah blah blah...I love my Di. She is very mature girl for her age. She always tells me "As they (My parents) are famous in whatever they are doing so they also expect the same from us." I always asked Di "Am I doing anything wrong Di..are you with me."  She always said "I am always with you bro, even before we were born, we were together". I haven't expected anything from my visit to this port town.

         Hearing the sound of rustling leaves I am feeling a bit good now. When I think of first day here, I saw the same dream only difference was with color.. Red that time. First morning when I went for Port authority office for my work, I saw Di was waiting for me. And that was..really means..In my wildest dream I would never had imagined that she would be here ..in this town for me.  Keeping every thought of mine aside, I embraced her so tight that she said "Slow Bro, are you planning to suffocate me". I stepped back and looked at her. She was looking gorgeous in her red summer dress. We went to my cabin. I ordered coffee for both and looked at Di...she was smiling, looking affectionately at me, she said without wasting any time "Mom and Dad are also here waiting outside." Seeing look on my face she said "Look Bro, I know you don't share a good rapport with them, it reflects on your face, but you need to forgive them, they are here for you. They know about your success. They are proud of you." She paused for some time." I know we had already talked about this hundredth time. Bro now they have realized that they had made a mistake in understanding you." I only said "Yes". First time in our entire life we had such an awkward silence between us. Finally she broke the silence and said "For me, please, I am asking you something". She knew that I will never say "No" to her. And that was the first time she had asked me something. I said "Yes..for my sweety Di". She took her cellphone and called mom and dad. She went outside to receive them. When I saw them I didn't know what I had seen in their eyes. I just went ahead touched their feet and stopped then I didn't know what to do, but my "lighthouse" came for my rescue. "Bro, where are you staying? We are planning to stay here." She looked at me smiling "If you want us to stay!" I called my driver and asked him to drop them to Bungalow. As It was my first day in office here, there was a lot of work to do. When I had reached home. I saw my family was waiting for me. We all had dinner together. As stress lessened between me and my parents we discussed about lot of things. Me and Di both sat in same Veranda where I am seating now. "Bro..good news is, I am getting married to my best friend,I want my whole happy family for my wedding." Hearing that news I was very excited. I said "I am very happy for you Di". I said teasingly "Who is the unlucky guy..Di.." With mischievous smile she said "For that you have to come to my wedding Bro."

         When I went to bed, like today night I saw the same dream again..color was Orange. I was thinking about my parents and then this dream. I couldn't sleep properly. I had meeting in morning so I went office early. When I came home in evening. I saw all the bags were kept at gate and saw dad..He said "We are leaving now.." He smiled and hugged me. Di came and said "We haven't seen the famous beach..before going we want to see it." We went to beach around 6.30. We all sat on a rock..together as family. Mom was seating besides me. The sun was gradually receding into the water below as was my "Hate" for my parents. I saw alone ship exactly in vertical line of sun as If sun was only companion that small ship had.The sky was assortment of shade of oranges.The dark water and luminous sky made the horizon looked like meeting of different world...me and my parents.Mom took my hand and looked at me..tears in her eyes.Nodding my head, I said softly "No.." and squeezed her hand like frightened child holding the hand of mother with all mighty power he has for protection from unknown.When they left the town, our relationship was breathing the new air.

       I refill my wine glass. This time I am enjoying the taste of it. Yes..I was thinking about Third night in port town, again same dream with different color..yellow. I completely ignored the dream and slept peacefully as my mind was content and at peace after our unexpected family get together. Next morning was my Granny's third Death anniversary. Granny..Ohh I am still missing her. She was my anchor, my Guru. Because of her I fell in love with Scintillating Santoor sound. She was a very good Santoor player. She taught me how to hold the "mezrab". Every day she used to ask me to bring marigold flower to worship Ganesha. She had never forgotten that. But after her death her "Ganesha" was without flower. I am not regular visitor to temple, but on her third Death anniversary in an evening I went to Ganesha temple and offered my granny's favorite marigold flower to Ganesha.

     I hear the sound of steps and voice come "Do you need anything sir". When I turn and see, servant is standing behind my chair. I say "No, I am fine. Don't bother yourself. Hmm..yes yes...could you please bring me shawl ,I'm feeling chilly". After returning from temple that day I was a very nostalgic about my granny. I slept with granny's thought in my mind, but that dream of mine appeared again in color Green.

       Next morning after the Granny's Death anniversary, I went to nearby Island as I need to survey it for our company's future private harbor point. When we were leaving the town that time High tide warning came, and we had to wait in the town harbor for some time. So I walked along the beach thinking about the "High Tide". My mind was filled with the memory of my first selfless service experience of 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami. Should I say fortunately or unfortunately I was there, because that experience had changed me completely. The day after Christmas that year we college friends happened to be at nearby coastal town of Tamilnadu. That year was my first year in college; my close friend had invited us for Christmas. When the news of "Impossible water" broke on TV, we rushed to the village that was affected by the Tsunami. When we reached there, all the things were eaten by the mighty tide. People were screaming for help, some people were looking silently at sea shore. Seeing that disaster, I did not know what to do. So I walked on the beach offering hand here and there to people. Suddenly I saw pair of Green slippers, partially buried in sand. Even now I didn't understand why I had picked those slippers. I carried the Green slippers in my hand where one of the NGO had established a camp. From nowhere, woman came like rushing tide and snatched the slippers from my hand. She had started crying, patting her chest angrily looking at sea. She looked at me and hugged me, crying saying something in her local language that I couldn't understood. One girl volunteer came and she translated to me what she was saying. That Green slippers were of her daughter's and whatever she had some hours ago had been washed away in sea, what was remaining was the Only Green slippers in her hand. She was caressing the slippers as though that was her daughter that she couldn't hold now. The image of that woman caressing Green slippers imprinted in my mind for forever. I stayed there for a month helping people to rebuild their lost hopes. That time I had decided in my mind that one day when I will be independent, I will adopt one baby girl. And now in comfort of Wine and Shawl time has come for me to do that. 

     Only one day is remaining of my visit here. I know that I can't sleep so I refill my glass again and have started walking in veranda to get my mind away from my white dream. When we came from surveying the land, the results were positive as we can start work there in coming months. I was very happy of my work so I slept peacefully. But that damn dream of mine came again with color blue. Why I am seeing those color Dreams. I couldn't understand the meaning of it. And that too after coming to port town. Last night we were all having dinner at finest restaurant of town. When we were enjoying our food, main chef came and asked us about the food. A thought suddenly came to my mind of "My chef friend ". He has very different philosophy about life. After Granny's death I was completely shattered, without her I started living on my own. One day, I came home and there was nothing to eat, so I went to nearby restaurant. It was late hour. I ordered the pasta that day. When I was about to finish my pasta, a man in blue apron came and asked me about the food. I just said without looking at him "Food is good". He sat in chair in-front of me. When I looked at him questioningly he said "I am not going to lecture you young man. But I have my own philosophy. I don't like to serve people who are eating alone with attitude like yours. Nowadays I am seeing so many of your kind. This is good for my business but not for people's life. When you are appreciating good food, I consider it is sign that you are alive..alive not in 'biological term', do you understand what I am saying." I knew that time this man was trying to say something different to me and I was able to relate. I told him.."Yeah, I am alive but.." He continued "I believe that if you love yourself then you deserved a home cooked food. You will not understand what I am saying now. But those people who have cooked meal as often as possible with joy of creating something only for themselves and not for others are enjoying and respecting their solitude state. Have you ever heard any person living single has prepared a lavish 3 course meal for him? No..You haven't, I'll bet on that. They will do if someone is there to accompany them but not for themselves. So young man start loving yourself in this way. And Invite me someday for dinner". He smiled and left. I kept looking at blue apron that he was wearing. After that I have started cooking dinner for myself with great joy. Later I had invited my chef friend for dinner. We are good friend now.

         "Sir, you should sleep now" servant says looking at me. "Yes, I should". My last working day in office. I reach office and there are two big meetings waiting for me. After office, I have been waiting for my driver, cellphone vibrates in my pocket. It is "Di" who is calling me. I say "Hello Di". She says "Bro..Do you have a phone number of Swara's Dad, I want to invite him for a wedding and dad also wants to talk to him". "Okay. I will text you the number." A Call from Di makes me think about a person who is dearest to my life. I asked the driver to drop me at beach.    

       I am walking on beach thinking about closest and dearest person of my life. No matter how much time passes, there are some things we can never rub away, they stay with us forever. I saw her performing in concert organized by Santoor music academy. She wore white color saree with Golden border. I still have that Image of her in my mind. Serenity,Peace,contentment,a mixture of all of these created the unmatched feeling that overwhelmed me when I was hearing her santoor. Her father was one of the pupils of my Granny and my dad's childhood friend. So I know about her from Granny and her dad. I had never noticed her but when I was hearing her santoor, I was kinda becoming the "fan of her". When we met after concert I had small chat with her. I praised about her "santoor vadan". I told her that I also like to play santoor but nowadays I don't feel the same passion that I used to experience earlier. She said to me "Don't care too much who is listening and what raga you are playing just enjoy it. If you start to enjoy it everything will fall into place." She might have said this casually. She didn't have any idea how much this means to me... means telling me that I should enjoy my santoor first. There are so many people around you but only few ignite the hidden spark in you and she was that person in my life and still is and will always be. I love her completely and she is not aware of my feeling. I have never told her, reason of not telling her.. I don't know. Sometime I feel she might be feeling same but then I realized why should she..because we had very limited contact. Limited will be wrong word. We hardly had talked twice. The talk that we had shared was mere tiny piece of time that had died 4 years ago, but memory of that is still precious part of  my heart. It hurts a lot that person you love so much has no knowledge about your existence. I heard somewhere when you love someone you are searching for lost pieces of you in them. So her existence in my life is as important as my existence on this earth. I always try to hide my feelings about her not in fear of denial from her but to protect it until I tell her. I can bear any pain as long as it is having a meaning. So I am doing that, keeping her safe in my heart forever whether she acknowledges it or not.

     With her thought in mind I reach bungalow. I need to pack my bags as I will be leaving tomorrow .After dinner; I listen to some of my santoor compositions. I sleep very peacefully. I wake up early in morning with my Violet color dream. This time at least that dream hasn't appeared in mid night.  I am in great but very unfamiliar mood. Last day in town here, same dream..violet color but this time I can hear what that amoeba like creature was saying to me. That creature was continuously chanting in my head with words like "Adopt,parent,friend,Di,Granny,Swara". While seating in car, for last time I look at bungalow. I have never noticed the name of bungalow- "INDRADHANU".

       After reading that name and my last dream, now I am realizing why I was seeing the dream in rainbow color every day. I am quite sure that after this I will never see that dream again. When I look back now and try to relate the color, every color has different meaning for me. After gap of  three years when I met Di she was wearing red color Dress. Red is for love of Di. I don't remember when the last time I held my mom’s hand was. That day with presence of divine Orange Sunset I had experienced that. Orange is color of love for family. Remembering Granny's love through yellow marigold flower was remembering the affection that I had experienced when I used to sleep on her lap and she used to tell me about her childhood stories. A green color slipper makes me aware of my responsibility as human being that I had forgotten in my daily routine. Blue color apron gave me a different perspective about life which I had forgotten for last three four months in name of heavy workload. For everyone color of the love of "that special someone" is always red. But for me it is white color, Color of peace of my mind and piece of my heart.. Swara. She was wearing a white color saree that day when I realized that I am in love with her. That image of swara in white Saree, I will never forget but dream of mine wants me to give a meaning to that color. Violet color makes me realize that I should give meaning to my lost thoughts. Somewhere in daily routine I was missing on these colors in my life. For some colors I still need to give meaning that they deserved for Green as I want to adopt baby Girl and White- my personal favorite color and color of my love. I should meet swara and need to tell her about my feelings. Then only Indradhanu of my life will get completed with heavenly arc.